Feb 18, 2013

95 LDS Theses

A friend brought the following to my attention.  Given my recent, poetic endeavors, it seems appropriate to post here.


Sources for the claims in these theses can be found here.
Further sources for these claims can be found here.

Feb 14, 2013

Three Sections from S&L #1: Principles of Religion and Sexuality - A Reminder of the Physio-Spiritual Significance of "Valentine's Day"


IIII. Praises Unto the Primal Gods of  Man and Woman


The second visitation of the angel Rufus to “Hoteph,” an avid practitioner of the faith

New England, April 2012


1–2, penis and vagina are gods; 4–6, masturbation is prayer; 7–8, First Communion of fellatio or cunnilingus; 9, Second Communion of same-sex intercourse; 10–11, Third Communion of pro-creation; 12–13, Fourth Communion; 14–18, prayer and communion are private acts for the willing; 19– 20, pornography; 21, praise be to these gods.

Behold, the penis was the first the god of man, and is the only god that he should seek to appease;
2.        Likewise, the vagina was the first god of woman, and is the only god which she should seek to serve.
3.        ¶ Verily, masturbation is an holy thing, an act of prayer to these primal gods of humankind;
4.        This prayer, as all prayers, is a private thing, which should take place in secret places alone or where two or more are willingly gathered—
5.        And where two or more are gathered, this prayer may be perform-ed with the hands, or with the breasts, or with the thighs, or with any other portion of the anatomy which is not an eternal expression of the divine.
6.        Nevertheless, no prayer should be engaged publicly, for it is a personal act, and such public displays are prideful, placing the act above the god—unless that public place be a gathering of believers who willingly observe this prayer.
7.        ¶ Verily, fellatio and cunnil-ingus are unto these gods as com-munion, a First Communion, where-unto each postulant gives of the god’s nectar to another;
8.        And this communion can be performed between servants of the same god, or with the servant of the other god—it matters not;
9.        Behold, there is a Second Communion, which is the communion of the god with itself—the embrace of two or more holy symbols of the same divine presence unto their mutual satisfaction, unto letting their nectar flow between the bodies of the postulants.
10.     There is also a Third Commun-ion, wherein the symbol of the man’s god is fully embraced by the symbol of the woman’s god unto the mutual flow of nectar—be it within the body, or without;
11.     And be it within the body, this communion shall be an act of perpet-uating the servants of the penis and the vagina.
12.     Further, there is a Fourth Communion, which is the communion of the god of man within the embrace of the gluttonous god of both sexes—
13.     For the anus is the god of refuse and necessity, of nature and of passage, and is as a power over both men and women.
14.     Behold, as with prayer, these four communions are to be performed in private, where two or more indi-vidual have willingly gathered for the purpose of praising these gods, to be rewarded with the pleasures there-from.
15.     ¶ Yea, it is prudent to often pray in this manner, even to receive such communion, when one is ready so to do.
16.     Let it be known that to engage in communion with another who is unwilling, or even in public where the unwilling shall see, is a sin and an abomination.
17.     Furthermore, such prayer and communion needs not the presence of a guide, unless desired by the partici-pants.
18.     Prayer and communion are the private activities of humankind, which should be engaged in willingly and frequently—but only where the priv-ate nature of these acts can be preserved.
19.     ¶ Yea, pornographic literature and images, which depict moments of personal and communal prayer, are like unto scripture, to be viewed with a purpose of enlightenment—to inspire a physical encounter, or else to increase understanding;
20.     Indeed, there is no sin in pornography so far as the private nature of these prayers and commun-ions are respected, letting no unwilling person be a participant.
21.     ¶ Praise be unto Cock, the god of man; and praise be unto Cunt, the god of woman; and praise be unto Anus, the god of all.  Holy, Holy, Holy.


V. Words of Rufus

The first visitation  of the angel Rufus to “Hoteph,” a disciple yet not a prophet

New England, October 2008


1–2, the nature of prophecy & discipleship.

Verily I say unto you, let any man who puts his own penis in his mouth be a prophet among you; and let any men who put other men's penes in their mouths be his disciples;
2.        Likewise, let any woman who tongues her own vagina be a prophet-ess among you; and let any women who tongue the vaginas of other women be her disciples. Holy, holy, holy.


VI. Warning Against Entering the Garden – An Allegory


Psalm of the angel Priapus, keeper of the Garden, given to “Hoteph” on the day of Saint Valentine, in the year of the Christian Lord 2012

[New England]


1–7, severe punishments for those who enter the Garden with ill intent, rewards for others; 8–11, Priapus shall not be disarmed.

I, Priapus, Protector of the Garden, speak unto all who wish to enter: 
2.        Should your intentions be those of the thief or vandal, be wary of your hindquarters and your mouths—for, behold, I am no eunuch, and no wo-man can be loose for me.
3.        Let they who have ears to hear listen to the cries of those who have gone before; let they who have eyes to see look upon my might as it grows heavy before them, unto the dividing of their bowels.
4.        Young men, the fruits of my garden are yours so far as I, too, may enjoy the pleasures of your back-sides—
5.        Indeed, thou shalt be buggered without mercy; ye maidens shall be fucked, and ye bearded thieves shall be made to fellate with yawning mouths.
6.        If thou wilt give what I desire, what thou desirest, thou shalt receive.
7.        The path is not straight and the way is not clear; all who enter must come first unto me, and those who are of pure heart may remain as chaste as Vesta.
8.        Behold, there are those who call me indecent, who wish that my nakedness be hidden. 
9.        Nevertheless, Jove is allowed his thunderbolts for all to see, Neptune his trident, and Ares his sword; Minerva does not hide her spear, nor Apollo his bow, nor even Hercules his club—why should I alone conceal my defenses?
10.     To he who wishes me disarmed I say:  may your rigid tension ever throb against your navel in vain as your want for woman or boy goes unsatisfied.
11.     Though my authority does not extend past this garden, here there is no other.  Amen.